ARTWORK:(digital art) Depression

Digital artwork, 2012

In 2005 I had major health problems, multiple organ failure, and ended up spending years in and out of hospitals eventually leading to the doctors giving me 3 years to live. My marriage failed and my weight blew out of control ( I ended up weighting 130kg, I was 85kg). Needless to say I plummeted into depression. And it was a long way back from that darkness.

I tried various anti-depressants but found that they just dulled all my emotions. Yes they dulled my dark feelings, but they also dulled my joy. So I decided to stop taking them  ( DO THIS WITH MEDICAL SUPERVISION, anti-depressants can have some nasty side effects when coming off them  )   I chose to face the cause of my depression.
One day at a time.

I couldnt walk well due or drive a car to nerve damage in my leg and middle ear damage (which made the world spin constantly)
So my solution was to walk to the corner store each a day, which for me was a massive task, and increased that distance each day.
I couldnt eat most foods without it going straight though me or being thrown up. So i drastically changed my diet. I couldnt bend down to pick anything up, so I place a coin on the floor and each day tried to pick it up when i woke up in the morning.
I couldnt even hold a knife and fork without server shaking in my hands, so i worked on hand rotations (which aid in reducing tremmors ) and eventually card magic tricks. I made a conscious decision to tackle each issue and find a way of managing it. This included my emotion state as well, the only way to shift that is through having an attitude of gratitude, giving thanks for the things that you do have. And not dwelling on the things that you do not have.

It took years, but the long run these steps and more led to me being able to drive a car again.
Which led to me to being able to travel around australia.

For me, when i was at my lowest, i couldnt not see the light out. It was as though i was a the bottom of a deep well, surrounded by darkness with a tiny spec of light above me. And day by day I worked my way towards that light until I was free of that darkness.

While my health is still a struggle, I make the most what time I have. Ive remarried and have three wonderful children. I believe that god allows times of hardship so that you can grow from it. I know I have.   Never give up, god is always there for you.

My wonderfully eclectic family